High School Musicarol: Act 2, Scene 1

[door opens]

LEGOLAS:
Greetings. I am Legolas of the Woodland Realm.

LEGOLAS:
I heard you coming with my elven ears and saw you with my elven eyes.

VENESSA: [swooning]
Oh, your elven eyes!

ZAC: (flatly)
You look a lot taller in the movies.

GHOST OF GRADUATION:
We’re here to see around your school.  This is Zac. He just graduated and is thinking of coming to study here.

LEGOLAS:
Yes I know. We proffered him a full scholarship because he was the lead in the school musical, captain of the state championship basketball team, valedictorian, and has an amazing girlfriend.

VANESSA: (blushing)
Ohh…why, Legolas.

LEGOLAS:
You will please come in now and I will show you around.

[Jingle bells panning from left to right]

ZAC:
Wow. That was so cool. Did you see him hit that target from like a mile away?

VANESSA:
Yes I did. He is just so amazing!

LEGOLAS:
As you saw, we specialize in constructing and designing guns and ammo, and also bows and arrows, slingshots, armor, shields, and swords. Including all the replica swords from The Lord of the Rings trilogy starring yours truly.

ZAC: (coldly)
You mean “featuring yours truly” right? I mean, I wouldn’t say that you really had a starring role.

GHOST OF GRADUATION:
Now that you’ve seen the school, you need to see some more. Link arms with me again.

[Poof]

ZAC:
Where are we now?

VANESSA:
Looks like were in front of a 7-11 in Anytown, USA.

ZAC:
[footsteps] Did you see what that guy who just walked by was carrying?

VANESSA:
It looked like a 9mm sub-compact Glock 26 that Legolas demonstrated to us.

ZAC:
Yeah, but carrying a gun like that into a convenience store is against the instructions that Legolas includes in every gun package! We gotta say something!

VANESSA and ZAC: [yelling in unison]
Hey! Put that gun away! Everyone watch out! He’s gotta gun and he’s not using according to the manual!

GHOST OF GIFT CONVEYANCES:
They’s cant hear you’s. So save you’s breath.

VANESSA:
Wait a second. Who are you? What do you mean they can’t hear us?

GHOST OF GIFT CONVEYANCES:
I’s the ghost of Christmas Gift Conveyances. And what I means to say is: they can’t hears you none.

ZAC:
Well this is horrible! He’s not following guidelines in the manual. We have to do something!

GHOST OF GIFT CONVEYANCES:
‘Ey. What do you’s want from me? I’m just doin’ my job, ya knows?

VANESSA:
AH! Look what he’s doing now! He’s pointing it at the sales clerk!

GUN MAN: [yelling]

Give me all the money! Just put it in this bag. Hurry up! No funny business.
ZAC and VANESSA: (like Kevin in Home Alone)

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! [alarm sound]

GHOST OF GIFT CONVEYANCES:
Lets go.

​[Poof]